Again, this diary starts of with news of Patriot, so for anyone who doesn't wish to read this, please just skip this (rather long) paragraph and go onto the next one which is the "normal" entry for today. This morning I was at the vets as Sage, Parsley & Toussaint were all due for their vaccinations and while I was there, Andy and I had a long chat about Patriot and the post mortem which we now have the findings from.. The upshot is that all of her organs etc, except for the lungs, were perfectly normal and were fine, there was no fluid anywhere, so in short, nothing wrong, no disease etc. The lungs are a different story though and please remember that I am not a vet so I am putting this into layman's terms so that we can all understand it a bit better. Basically, during the post mortem, Andy noticed patches on her lungs. These patches are indicative of her having picked up an infection much, much earlier, prior to the babies being ill from the mum's milk when they were calling. This didn't appear to be a serious infection in the respects that part of the lungs had healed over, however other parts hadn't. It's entirely possible that whatever the infection was, all the babies would have probably had it in varying degrees, however, the other 6 babies all had much stronger immune systems and were more than capable of fighting off any small infections. We also know that the infection wasn't that serious in the respect that whilst there was obvious damage to her lungs, some of it had already healed, and throughout all of her incredibly short life, she never experienced any breathing difficulty at all, nor any form of respiratory issues. We don't know why, but it appears that Patriot's immune system was nowhere near as strong as everyone else's. Now we have to remember here that both mum's were maiden queens and it is likely that when the babies were born, it took longer for the milk to come through than it might an experienced queen. I will say that while there was an issue with the lungs, this was not in fact the cause of death so on that point, we are still none the wiser which on one hand, is very difficult because when we lose a baby like this, we want to know why. Sometimes though, there is just no reasoning behind it. This is not to say that I have come away from this tragic experience without learning something because there is something I will be putting into practice for Amarula and Tia Lusso's next litters. Firstly, I will not mate either of them together again, however I will mate each of them at the same time as another experienced queen, because should either of them have a milk issue like this again, at least there will be a better queen on hand to be able to feed the children to prevent them from becoming ill. The other thing I will be putting into practice is on their next litters, I will have on hand, some Feline Nosodes. These are something I have only very recently learnt about. Basically they are homeopathic form of vaccination that cover the major cat diseases and can be given to the babies when their immune system that they would have had from their mum's colostrum is wearing off as this should protect them. The other thing I am thinking of doing will be to run the babies on a course of Echinacea drops (I always keep these in the home), as this will help to strengthen their immune system. One thing that I have not mentioned yet is that for the past week leading up to our loss of Patriot, I had some research done into the lines behind her. The reason I had this done was because at the back of my mind, I was wondering whether or not there was a defect in the line which so far had not presented itself in Amaretto's litters but maybe was becoming apparent only with Amarula's litter, in ,which case, I needed to know about it to know how best to proceed. You may, or may not be aware that there are lines in this country who carry congenital defects such as cancer, heart problems, deformities etc. and yes, there are breeders who have these problems and knowingly continue to breed from these cats, thereby just passing the problems on and on through future lines. Generally, all for the sake of being able to have a "titled" cat, yet more often than not, at the expense of the pet owners whose beloved pet dies at a much younger age than they should. Anyway, I had the lines behind Amaretto researched by a good friend who knows much more than I do on this subject, and I also spoke with the owner of Amaretto's sire (dad), Tina of Maroochydore Siamese and Orientals. I am very grateful to both of these people for their honesty and their assistance in the line research as it has been invaluable and as it turns out, to the best of my knowledge, and the research done, the lines behind Amaretto are clear of any congenital health problems. This obviously is a very big relief because whilst we had the post mortem done and it came up clear basically, at least if something had of shown up such as diabetes, kidney problems etc., then it would have been something for me to concentrate on with regards to the lines I am using. I say here that I am very grateful to our vet, Dr Andy Garton because this man is an absolute gem and I would personally recommend him to anyone at all who ever need a furry family member treated.

As for Braveheart, Lethal Weapon and Mad Max, they are all doing just fine and at this precise moment, I am sitting on one inch of my chair at the front because the little monsters are all piled up behind me sound asleep. I had to smile at them this morning for a couple of reasons. The first was that Lethal Weapon has an intense fascination with the sound of cats on their honeymoon. Cointreau started her honeymoon today with Sheridans and every time a mating took place, Lethal Weapon would be out in the cat run at the further corner, closest to Sheridans' stud house, and he would put his paws up on the bar, staring at it intently, listening to the noise. It might be worthwhile I think for someone to have a chat with him about the "birds and the bees", or at the very least, explain to him that it is not worth him getting any ideas because as a much loved family pet member with Kerry and the gang, he will be having his little marbles snipped in the next few months. Now also what made me smile this morning was when, at 9:50am, I brought 3 carrier down and opened them up and sat them on the floor while I grabbed bedding for them (this was for the 3 who were being vaccinated), when I took the bedding back to the carriers, Mad Max and Braveheart were sitting in a carrier each. I have absolutely no idea where they thought they were going and I explained to them that it's not time for their 2nd vaccinations yet and I then removed Braveheart from one carrier, put the bedding in, only to find she had then joined her brother in the other carrier. I put Sage in the carrier with the bedding, tried to put bedding in their second carrier that the babies were in, except the little horrible furry creatures would not come out. They truly believed they were going for a ride. Both of them were most offended when I managed to scoop them out, get the bedding in and then close the door. I tell you that vaccination visits in this home always require the precision and planning of a military operation! At the moment, there's no photos for today's entry as I've not yet had the time, however, much, much later this afternoon, I will try to add some in.

Writing an entry after the loss of a baby is so incredibly difficult because even though life goes on for the rest of the world, I am still trying to come to terms with my loss. The other reason it's so difficult to write is because Vinegar is on my shoulder, nuzzling my ears and hair, and I keep stopping every few seconds to return the cuddles and kisses. It always amazes me how much our babies can comfort us when we are feeling so down. One of the very hard parts about yesterday was waiting for Patriot's family to return home from work so that I could telephone them with the tragic news and this really was so very difficult. Linda and Peter had visited Patriot so many times and I know they were both incredibly attached to her and that their loss is so great and my heart goes out to them. I just hope and pray that when they collect Salt and Braveheart, these 2 babies will mend their broken hearts. I am so very grateful for all the people who have taken the time to email me with their condolences, and when I am able to, I will reply to each of your emails. Thank you also to those who very kindly telephoned me, and to all those members on Siamese Cat Chat for their kind posts and messages. As always, in times of grief, the support and love from friends, and people I barely know, is just overwhelming. Yesterday afternoon was so very hard, particularly at feeding times because Patriot was always one of the first to the plate and I kept looking for her, wondering why she was with everyone else and then it dawned on me that she was no longer here. So far this morning (it's currently 1023), I have barely seen our Mel's, other at feeding times because today they have decided that they would annoy Graham, rather than me. I had to smile when I walked past Graham to go upstairs and here he was, trying to work with the 3 Mel's on his lap and Salt on his shoulder. The poor guy couldn't move at all but he thinks that this is wonderful whereas I am thinking to myself, once the novelty wears off and they are all over his keyboard and climbing all over his head and screaming in his ear, will he still think it is so wonderful?

Today our hearts have been broken and our morning has been spent in tears. When we woke up this morning and came downstairs at around 7am, it was very apparent that Patriot was not as she should be and she had gone downhill quite rapidly. Up until yesterday evening, she was still eating her meals and grooming herself as per normal. This morning, she was unsteady in her movements, and she was crying. All she wanted was to sit on the pouf near her dad because Patriot loves her dad. The crying just pierced our hearts but it was more than that...................Patriot had given up. Her body was too tired, she didn't have the strength in her to fight any longer and we knew, both of us, that it was time to take her into the vets. She has been so courageous and she fought along side us for 10 weeks and as tiny as she was, she was a real fighter. I telephoned Andy, explained what had happened and we arranged to bring her in there on off chance that there would be some last hope for her but we both knew it would be a long shot and in the back of our minds, we knew she would not be coming home. It was such a difficult decision for us to make because the pain we felt at the thought of losing her is just unbearable but what mattered most was that Patriot was suffering and this was very apparent and we couldn't let her go on like that. I did tell Graham that I would take her and I would be okay but within seconds of saying it, I just burst into tears, as did Graham, so we both took her in together. Nothing could be done for her and the kindest thing was to let her go where she would be at peace and no longer suffering. We stayed with her while the injection was administered and she looked so very tiny on her little bed and I held her head and stroked her ears and kissed her until she was no longer with us. Andy had told us that we didn't have to stay while he euthanased her, however we brought her into this world and there was no way on earth that we were going to let her go out of it alone because it is so very important to us that our babies know they are loved. It was so very quick, it was painless and I must say thank you to our vet, Dr Andy Garton, not only for his compassion, but also for the respect he has for the fur children that he treats, and his discretion while we said our goodbyes. A post mortem will be done to see if we can determine the cause of death and this is always so very difficult because it seems so incredibly clinical and cold, yet, if there is a reason, then we need to know as this may help us with our future breeding program to try and ensure something like this doesn't happen again. Life is so incredibly unfair and despite vet treatment, prayers, and 24 hours of love, it just was not enough to keep her here on this earth. No matter how many litters we have, losing a baby at any age is something that we will never, ever get used to and Patriot had such an incredibly short life I tell you there is something very wrong with this world that evil people live to be 80 and an innocent baby like our Patriot has her life taken from her at such a young age. There is so very much more I could say, about Patriot, about our pain, but really, what is the point? I know that in time, possibly, the pain may lessen and I know that our Mel's and our Condiments will help ease that pain but Patriot's memory will remain in my heart always.

I thought that in between packing and organising everything for the house move, that I would at least make an attempt at some form of small entry in the spare minutes that I do have. The babies have not been phased at all by the disruption that has currently entered their lives in the form of boxes, packing tape and all the rest which does please me. I wasn't sure how they would cope with such chaos and it did concern me a little, particularly as the packing could not have waited until they left because like most people, we seem to have an awful lot of stuff. Of course my biggest problem will be making sure that one of the babies doesn't accidentally get packed in a box! I have not put any photos in this entry yet due to lack of time, however, I truly am aiming to take just a couple of pics if possible which I will add much later on this afternoon. The babies however, have been Graham's problem for part of the day as they have been having fun and games under his desk on and his desk. He thinks this is great to have them in his "area" and I don't have the heart to tell him that in actual fact, while they are under his desk, I think they are playing with the 10 million computer leads that reside there!

I had asked the Mel's if they would please consider being "good little babies" for a little while so that we could try to keep the mess to a minimum as we packed but that was too much to expect of them. They gave me their answer by tearing through the home this morning, straight through 2 full bowls of kitten biscuits, scattering them everywhere. On it's own, that was bad enough, however Lethal Weapon then decided to chase Braveheart back through the house the other way and whilst Braveheart was smart enough to veer around the large water bowl, Lethal Weapon decided to take the quick route......................straight through the bowl! So again, the packing gets interrupted so that Lethal Weapon can be dried off and the bowl emptied (what was left of it) and re filled. Of course Mad Max figured that he would not be left out of all the interruptions and his contribution was to climb the large CD tower which is now empty of it's contents which means it's a new cat climber as far as Max was concerned. It did not once occur to him just how he would get down after he climbed up to the top so yep, he waited for a minute and then started crying and had to be rescued. I truly would recommend to anyone who is thinking of moving house that perhaps you should do this when there are no kittens present. As for Patriot, well unfortunately, there has been absolutely no change whatsoever. The rest of the babies are all growing, and she is not doing anything at all which is still worrying us greatly.